A rocky start.
It has been nearly two months since I dropped out of college and sought help. I moved back home to be in the comfort of my own home and spend more time with friends. I started this blog, I like writing and sharing my experiences. It is a nice pastime, a way for me to reminisce my travels, and document my ongoing journey, something I can look back on, and be proud of myself. I know I am not alone in how I feel, so I hope this blog finds someone who needs to not feel alone, and may it comfort them.
The first three weeks, I made myself a daily schedule. Something simple to stick to, to remind me to get ready in the morning and have breakfast. To improve my Spanish and go for daily walks with my dad. I didn’t always stick to it, but I used it as a guide, motivation. My first goal was to renovate my room. I enjoy painting and decorating. I needed my room not to feel like the depression hole it has been for forever. Make it a place to comfort me and make me happy. I got a job, and I saw my councellor again, she reffered me to a psychologist and I just had to wait to hear from them.
My days were much more empty than it sounds, I didn’t feel like I was doing anything, I still felt like a failure. I was constantly agitated or sad, I was still waiting everyday for my boyfriend to wake up around 6 PM and text me. When he didn’t or he was too busy to actually talk I would get mad. We fought a lot and nearly broke up, instead we decided to take a break, figure out our feelings and talk about it when we’re ready. I crumbled. I stayed in bed a lot, but barely slept, and often lost my appetite. The break was meant for us to forget the other for a minute and think about ourselves, but I could only think of him.
One week went by and I couldn’t do it anymore, that week felt like a month. I told him ‘One more week to think, and then we talk.’ The next week also took forever. I finally heard from my psychologist and I could start the next week. That friday my boyfiend and I talked, and although he still wasn’t sure what he wanted to do, something had to change. I told him that I needed the break to end one way or another, that I couldn’t go back to how things were before, and that if we gave us another try I needed more time from him. He said he had been working on himself and had more free time. Although he needed more time to grow and he thought I did too, he assured me that he loved me and he would love the woman I will become even more.
It hasn’t been easy since I left college. I didn’t enjoy classes but they were a distraction. And with that gone I was left sitting with my problems. I have had a lot of support from my family and friends and I have learned more about myself already.
